Understanding Estrangement: Why It Can Feel Complicated
Estrangement is defined as the loss of closeness or loss altogether of relationships with others that you used to be close with. Oftentimes, it is talked about within the context of family however, the experience of distance and disconnection in relationships can extend beyond family, including friendships, partners, and ex-partners.
Estrangement might look like growing apart from family members over time. It might be the end of a close friendship that took so much out of you to maintain. It might be the lingering emotional impact of a past romantic relationship that feels unresolved.
You might find yourself navigating a mix of emotions—sadness, grief, confusion, anger, or maybe even, relief. These feelings can exist at the same time, and in any/no particular order.
In many cases, estrangement isn’t just about the relationship itself—it’s about what that relationship meant to you. Navigating estrangement can look like clarifying and addressing how the absence of the relationship or change in the relationship affects the way you see yourself.
For example, you might begin to notice what within the relationship feels difficult for you to hold, to tolerate, to be present with now; you might begin to notice what you need more of in your relationships.
There isn’t one “right” way to navigate estrangement. What matters most is having space to understand your experience more fully, and to move forward in a way that feels aligned with your values; that feels aligned with all of who you are.
You don’t have to hold all of this by yourself. As a therapist, I’ll work to co-create a space with you so that you can make sense of what you’re feeling and consider what you need moving forward.
References:
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/estrangement
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/estranged
About the Author
Gina Li, LCSW, is a therapist based in the Bay Area, California and founder of Heart In Mind. She works with young adults, Asian Americans, and caregivers who are navigating challenges with estrangement, relationships, and identity.
Her approach is collaborative and attentive to the ways culture and past experiences, including past traumatic experiences, shape how we relate to ourselves and others. She supports individuals in making sense of emotional distance/hurt in their relationships and in reconnecting with themselves in a way that feels grounded and aligned.
Learn more about Heart In Mind’s specialties at the links below: